This is the squat that never ends....

Recently, I was coerced into joining my friend, Sonia's, gym - Elite Fitness - because they were offering a 6 week boot camp workout regimen.

This is my friend, Sonia. She's lost 3 pant sizes since this picture was taken. =)

I didn't have to join the gym, mind you, in order to participate in the boot camp, but when I went to sign up, the days that I wanted to attend were already full, and the days that I couldn't attend were being forced upon me. Fortunately, the girl behind the counter told me that if I was to join the gym, I could go to any class - that's right - ANY class at any time on any day that I wanted to. Another perk to joining was that instead of being brow beaten, terrorized, and tortured by the personal trainers leading each work out session, I could show up, do my best, get water when I wanted, and not be yelled at like the others, who were not members.

So, I joined and was weighed and measured, and then had those measurements jotted down in my records. I have been trying to go every Wednesday & Friday @ 6pm and every Saturday at 10am.

Wednesdays & Fridays are my beginning boot camp classes with Suzy. I like Suzy because she pushes us with repetition, but doesn't single you out if you can't do something. I have bad knees and poor circulation in my ankles and feet, so jumping is not an option at the moment, but I've started substituting running in place when I can't do the jumping exercises.

Suzy looks like she could have been a former body builder, and she may have well been.

Her work outs are total body. We do squats, push ups, lunges, weights, jumping, running, stretching - you name it, we do it.

But Saturday....oh Saturday is another story.

Daniel teaches the Saturday class, and he does not play.

We start with squats, then do jumping jacks - 500 as of last Saturday - then we change it up and add weights to our squats. We do squats standing up; we do squats while squatting; we do squats lying on the floor, and squats any time in between. If you are late to his class, he makes you do jumping jacks. Sometimes 50; sometimes 150. If you take too long to get water, he makes you do jumping jacks. If you've been told not to do something, but you try to anyway, he'll stop the music, call you out on it in a very loud voice, and make the entire class start over. This is, of course, very annoying because we're usually doing squats.

There is a possibility that I may try a 30 minute TRX class on Sunday afternoons, but it kind of cuts my chances of going out to eat with my friends after church, so I'm not really sure about it. Sonia, of course, is the one who told me about TRX. I'm not really sure what it is, but the description says suspension training. I'm interested, but a little nervous.

This is what Elite Fitness has on their website:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzODGa3z66Y&feature=player_embedded

Perhaps I'll go, and then let you know what I think.

I can't see you anymore....

So I have these two friends....kind of. I say kind of because one of them only contacts me when he's horny, and the other guy, well...it's complicated.

Just so you don't get confused and their anonymity isn't exposed, I'll call them Tampa and Texas. Tampa being the one who calls me when he's horny, and Texas being the other guy.

I've known Tampa since HS, but was never good friends with him - I guess you could say our friendship circles intertwined. I had friends, who were friends with his friends. It was late February/early March when he first contacted me on FB. (Ahh...Facebook...what a great way to connect with those, whom you have not seen in forever...good times)

I'm not going to lie, when a very good looking guy pays any attention to me, I like it, especially, when this good looking guy reminds me of Michael Bublé, has a sexy, lazy country drawl and calls me "darlin" immediately. Since I knew him back in HS, my little red flags - to which I am finding are not in proper working order - did not pop up. Not even when he started making very inappropriate references to his body and working parts.

My friends call me naive, but my best friends call me innocent and stupid. And I am stupid. My mother thought it would be funny to gift me the "Sex for Dummies" book after I graduated from HS. I read it, and then left it on my coffee table as a conversation starter. It's one thing to be book smart, but it's another to be street smart.

Which am I? That's none of your business.

Anywho.....the last time I wasted my time with Tampa, we pretty much agreed that neither of us were really interested in each other. I was looking for love and romance, and well...he was looking for sex and unattached one-night stands. The funniest thing was that he told me that it wasn't going to work out for us, and that we needed to go back to being ONLY platonic friends. Tampa and I were non platonic/platonic off and on throughout 2009, but I was kind of glad that we had come to a mutual agreement of sorts to end this thing - whatever it was.

Texas, on the other hand, is a little bit more complicated. I met him on FB during an online game play. He was my opponent, and I was losing. Always wanting a fair fight, I messaged him on the chat link within the game and asked him for a rematch, since the game clearly did not like me. And he accepted. Again, we began playing, and again he began to beat me. This annoyed me emensly! So I messaged him a 2nd time requesting yet another rematch, which again he accepted. By our 3rd game, neither of us cared who was winning. We were messaging back and forth - I asked him, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like a specific person from a specific show? His reply, "No...LOL..." (Yes, yes, I hit on him. But his profile picture was HOT!)

With FB, playing an online game against other FB opponents, usually means that you are not friends with them. There are some games that your friends can be part of your army, or clan, but this particular game only allows you to play strangers. Since neither of us wanted to end the converstation, we became friends on FB. (I am pretty sure he wanted to keep talking because he did search me out, not the other way around, but what do I know....nothing really.)

Each time I would log on, I would look for him, and we'd chat and find things in common about ourselves. It was kind of scary how much we both liked the same things, movies, color, music...wait...he did think Ghostland Observatory was kind of weird...but whatever. I think we FB flirted a good two weeks. I was instantly hooked. Here was a hot, very good looking guy, who liked the same things as me, and who said I was beautiful - why wouldn't I fall for him?

The things I didn't want to think about were the fact that a) he was not a Christian, b) he lived in Texas, and c) he had a girl friend.

Here in lies the part where I am stupid! I thought that I could change his mind with charm and wit and hilariousness.....HA! He lives with her - did you know that? He also is in love with her too - except flirting with other girls is an okay practice. And the biggest kicker - they got engaged for Christmas.

My bff told me last night, after he called me STUPID, "Rachel, Texas doesn't like you. He has what he needs and can have it anytime. You are not important to him, and he is really not your friend. And Tampa, he's just looking for one thing - sex. He's also not interested in you as a person, nor does he care about your feelings. You ought to dump them both."

So...I have a decision to make - Do I stop being "friends" with both of these guys and delete them from my FB account? Do I stop accepting text messages from Tampa, and naughty pictures from Texas?

A secret - I think I am more worried about hurting their feelings when I unfriend them, then I am about letting them play with my emotions. I am stupid.

If they don't care about me, like my friends say, then why am I having such a hard time cutting the cord? I think it's because I am afraid that if I take a stand and say no more, then I will be left to stand alone. And my biggest fear is being alone.

Depression, Anger without energy & Plotting my death

My mother suffers from depression. She's had it practically all my life. So I started to wonder if depression was hereditary.

Most anyone who knows me would say that I am a relatively happy person, quirky and silly at times, and have my blonde moments; hardly ever sad. But everyone has a facade they hide behind.....

I've had 2 emotional breakdowns in my life. The first was after my mom was hospitalized on a suicide watch for her depression. The second happened two weeks before I was to move out of my roommate's apartment and 3 emotionally/verbally abusive years too late.

When I'm angry, upset, and/or sad, I tend to hermit myself and withdraw. But I don't think that I've inherited my mother's depression. I have issues with having dirty hair, so not showering/washing my hair is not an option. And my TV is in my living room, so when I'm tired of laying in bed, I usually get up and lie on the couch to watch TV, so staying in bed all day doesn't happen. And during the week, when I have to go to work, I get up and go. Outwardly, I look like a normal functioning person, but inside, I am counting down the minutes until I can leave and go back into my shell. And I may draw morbid and scary pictures, but I would never hurt myself, or contemplate suicide.

However, now, I've got this new friend. He's the life of any party, but doesn't have to be the center of attention. He's always got something to do, but always makes time to hang out with me. And even when I'm feeling like my hermit crab tendencies are upon me, and I don't want to leave my house, or hang out with anyone - he calls, and I always go and hang out. It's like, he knows before I do, but doesn't say let on that he knows anything.

I know what you're thinking.....I'm in love with him, right? Wrong. He is my best friend, and I totally heart him, but I'm not in love.....He's plotting my death as we speak.

He's a pretty amazing friend. =)

Long, long ago...in this very blog site....

Yes, I know....it's been over a year, since I've last blogged, but I think I may stay a little longer this time. Let me see if I can bring you up to speed with my life....

- Feb 2009, I enjoyed a platonic romance with an old high school friend. (platonic romance...yeah, that's an oxymoron)

- Mar 2009, brought an bad idea to light.

- Apr 2009, I made a very bad decision, went on my first cruise for 7 days, and abruptly said goodbye to a little place in my heart.

- May 2009, I adopted Midnight, aka Nightmare

- Jun 2009, I met an awesome and amazing guy, who has become one of my bffs. =)

- Jul 2009, I decided to join Match.com

- Oct 2009 - I experienced my very first hangover, dressed up as a wedge of cheese for halloween, and made another very very bad decision.

- Nov 2009 - Adopted a 2nd cat to keep Midnight company. Her name was Stinky....because she farted all the time.

- Dec 2009 - Spent Christmas vacation with my family in NC, and went to my friend, Libby's, wedding on a cruise ship New Year's eve.

- Jan 2010 - Traded in the 2nd cat for another, less stinky one, morned the loss of my 92 year old Grandmother, and spent 14 consecutive days with the same person. ;)